Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ketchup is God's man juice
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
