How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
