I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
