So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
