I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
