so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
