I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
