does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
