He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
