Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize