I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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