Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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