3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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