He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
