Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
