can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
