She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
