Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
