Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
