I'm drive I can fine osifer
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
