He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
