I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
