His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My pussy is not your playground.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
