i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize