wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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