You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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