I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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