i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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