I've blown a few things in my day
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
