This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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