Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my sisters under your porch take her home
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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