evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize