Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
