my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
