Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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