His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
