It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
