I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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