I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
love makes seman taste better
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
