My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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