just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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