the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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