i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
