My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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