a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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