I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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