sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize