if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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