so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
