I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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