Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
