Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
