I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
