We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
