She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
