Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
