I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
