She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My liver is preforming stress tests.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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