Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
