I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i dont even know how to be here
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
