"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
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We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
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I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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