She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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