Porn is love you can see.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
