Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
