Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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