I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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