Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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