He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
