i love accidental penises.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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