I skipped work to stalk him.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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