whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
