Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
