My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
